Old men and throwing up are my life now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
