Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
