Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
