my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
