I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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