the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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