I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
