Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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