you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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