Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
