happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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