everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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