You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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