Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You need a sexual gate keeper
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
