90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
