I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
