We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
