Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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