maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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