I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize