did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The struggles of a small town man whore
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
