even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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