omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
