speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
