I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
