yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You smell like a Billy Joel song
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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