dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
