So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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