I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
