dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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