Kareoke will never be a sober sport
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
