Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
