I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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