all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
