i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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