I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
