Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
