She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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