He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
True strength comes from lack of pants
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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