I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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