i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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