girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
