I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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