dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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