Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
