I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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