That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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