It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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