he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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