Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
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i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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