Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
