what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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