my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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