I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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