it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
