I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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