Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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