I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
