i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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