youre lurking in front of me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
