Buhtt sex?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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