saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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