see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
