What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
