I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
