you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
