He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
