i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
