Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize